I Was Shocked

by Teresa Smith on November 19, 2012

Wow, can you believe it. Thanksgiving is this coming Thursday. I’m still trying to grab every bit of sunshine and warm temps before heading into winter. Hopefully it will be a mild one. I was walking around the neighborhood this week taking pics of the last few fall leaves, and saw buds on a tree. I thought it was odd. I would always find buds in January on my bradford pear. So many things have come and gone this year. I said goodbye to my bradford pear due to a storm. I said goodbye to my brick mailbox that someone demolished. It took me a while, but I finally was able to say ‘hello’ to a new mailbox. I said ‘hello’ to an old friend that I used to work with. We lost track of each other. I’ve been searching on and off for her for the last 3 years and finally found her due to Pinterest. I’ve said hello to a lot of new friends I’ve been blessed to have come across on Facebook.

There are so many things I’m thankful for. I love my two fur children. They each make me smile in different ways. I love the people I’ve discovered and met this year. I love friends and time spent with them. I love that I have eyes to see the beauty of this world. I love that I try to see the beauty in everyone. I love my family. I’m blessed that God opens my eyes daily to new ways of thinking, new perspectives, new people. I love that God took me from being so sick when I was a kid, introduced me to several holistic practitioners, and actually molded me into one of those holistic practitioners. I love the gifts and talents I’ve been given. So many, many things to be thankful for.

I was driving home earlier today. Thoughts of my mom came to mind. I guess I always find myself missing my parents when the holidays are upon us. What I realized is that I was still feeling resentment and bitterness even after eight years. At first I thought I must have stuffed these emotions concerning doctors and pharmaceutical companies and how I feel like that played such a great role in the health and eventual deaths of my parents. What I discovered is that I was actually blaming God. The resentment and bitterness was towards God. I wanted my parents back. I hate the pain and illnesses they went through. To this day, I hate seeing people suffer. I want to help, but I realize that everyone has choices. I can’t convince anyone to look at their health from a different perspective. I couldn’t convince my parents. They were very locked in to their traditional ways of thinking about doctors and healthcare.

So here I was. Blaming God, resenting God, having bitterness towards God. I was sort of shocked. I didn’t want to feel this way, but there it was. I grew up thinking God was someone mean just waiting for me to make a mistake. I saw God as someone who punishes. Over the years, that perspective changed. I began seeing God as someone who wants to bless us. Today, however… I realized that there are still some parts of me that feels like God is still the mean guy. I realized that I can never be who I want to be as long as I still have that blurred concept of God. If I choose to see God as someone who punishes, someone who is mean… how could I ever like myself fully, God doesn’t like me. How could I ever be successful, God doesn’t think I’m good enough. How could I ever believe that God wants me to have that wonderful career and be happy, God is all about punishing, not happiness. God is not for me, He is against me.

This week, as we celebrate Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that God allowed me to see what thoughts I was holding onto. I’m thankful that God has given me tools and techniques that can assist in changing any negative thought or perception. I’m thankful that I know God as a loving God and someone who wants the best for me, who is a giver and wants to bless me.

So, today… I’m thankful for you, the one who takes time out of their day to read these words. I ask you to examine your thoughts. Is there anyone you haven’t forgiven. Is there anyone you resent or blame… is it others, yourself, or even God? God wants you free of these things that keep your trapped. He’s ready for you to release it all to Him. Feel free to leave a comment below or find me on Facebook and share what you’re thankful for this Thanksgiving. Keep me in mind, if you ever need help concerning your health or mindset.

Blessings in the coming week

 I Was Shocked
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